steve150I bought a unicycle, and now my ass is sore.

No, it’s not because I was haggling over the price…it’s because I fell. A couple of times. But after my first major spill, the very next ride that I did was the furthest yet. This inspired me to write this month’s column.

I was talking with a friend recently about a guitar that he owns. When I asked why he doesn’t play it, he replied, “There’s no way that I can play with these stupid sausage fingers of mine”, and he held up his hand.

I held my hand up to his (In a very macho way of course. Not like the scene in Ghost when Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore finally see each other and hold their hands up to each other and both start to cry. Not that I’m familiar with that movie. And even if I was familiar with it, that doesn’t mean that I cry when I watch it. Especially at the part where Whoopi Goldberg says “Ditto! He says Ditto!” and at that point Molly realizes that Sam is actually there and that his love conquers all…)

OK, not like that at all.

So, my buddy held up his sausage-fingered hand, and when I held mine up to his and wouldn’t you know it… Unchained Melody played in the background like the scene in Ghost when they were spinning the pottery……

Let’s try this again.

He held up his hand, and I heterosexually placed my hand up to his, being aware that we shouldn’t touch as the result of my rampant machismo and female wife lady girl person with whom I enjoy long lasting intimate encounters.

Interestingly, my hands were the exact same size as my friend’s hands. Our fingers were the same size, and though I’ve never considered them “sausage-esque”, they fit the exact description of the excuse that he was using for not playing.

And yet, these are the same sausage fingers that I use to play my guitar. And I play it often. (Almost as often as I watch Ghost. Or Roadhouse. Or Point Break. Or the Outsiders. Or Red Dawn. But not Dirty Dancing, because I don’t care if Baby gets put in the corner or not.)

Very few people will appreciate these references. My sister Debbie will, but she likes Dirty Dancing. But I love her despite this obvious character flaw.

So, back to Edward Sausage hands. He had a belief. He said that he tried to play the guitar, but the reason that he sucked at it was because of his stubby fingers. I also have a belief. I play the guitar, and the reason that I suck is because of a lack of talent. Big difference.

Hey, we all suck at things from time to time. Sometimes it’s because of a physical limitation. Sometimes it’s as a result of a lack of talent, or because we’re just learning.

And sometimes, it’s because you need a couple of extra bucks.

The point is that much like riding a unicycle, the first step to playing the guitar is having a belief in yourself that you can do what you set your mind to.

The second step is to have the belief in yourself that you will keep going until you make it happen. Remember, Dalton wasn’t the biggest bouncer, but he got the job done because he knew that he could clean up the Roadhouse, clean up the town, learn a little life lesson along the way, and maybe – just maybe – fall in love.

Plus, he got to reconnect with his old buddy played by Jeff Healey, who (in real life) overcame adversity to be a great guitar player. He lost his sight at the age of one and learned to play the guitar at the age of 3, which is when he developed his style of playing the guitar on his lap.

I don’t profess to know much about much, but I’d submit that if you can play the guitar at the age of 3, then hand size isn’t much of an obstacle.

So the moral of today’s story is to let go of your limiting beliefs when it comes to your playing – and set your sights high. Be realistic, but don’t be afraid to dream about what you’ll be playing in the future.

Then, work out a plan of action to turn your dream into reality. Before you know it, you’ll be playing all of your favourite tunes and solving crimes from beyond the grave for the love of your wife who doesn’t know that your best friend had you killed because he was embezzling money from the bank that you worked in and you stumbled upon it.

Either way, all you need to do is believe…



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